my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
