i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
