I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
