so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
