My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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