There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
