It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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