god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Its about making memories worth repressing
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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