It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
