I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How external is "for external use only"?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
