I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
