Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
