they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
