Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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