your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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