and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
