I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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