you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
