I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
