i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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