Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
