My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
