I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
soo... how was my night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
