I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
