At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
