my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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