I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
oh god the rape fog is back!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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