im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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