This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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