Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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