he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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