I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
