this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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