He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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