what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
