Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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