My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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