Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
