Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
