suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
