After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
