Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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