OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
