we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
