Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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