I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
