I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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