allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
