i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
