If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
