mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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