mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
