We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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