there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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