i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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