worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
