He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
a search helicopter?!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
