got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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