just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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